THE RING JOB
Sergeant Edward Coulter, NYPD (retired), Emergency Service ESS#8, now lives in
Montana. He recalls an incident that occurred back in 1980 when he was still a Police Officer in the Emergency Service. His partner was Police Officer David Hayes, NYPD Emergency Service.
This story is
not for the squeamish among us. WARNING: Do not try this trick at home.
Here in the words of Sergeant Coulter are the details of that incident:
"About 1800,on July 17, 1980, my partner Dave Hayes and I had
just walked into quarters for meal when our dispatcher called us over the radio. When we acknowledged him he requested that we call him via the landline. When we got him on the phone and he
told us what the pending job was, we understood why he didn't want to put the job over the air.
He told us that there was a guy in the emergency room of Long
Island College Hospital with a couple of steel rings, (Merry Go-around style), wrapped around his pecker and balls and that the doctors there
were requesting our help in removing them. We had a good laugh all the way to the hospital.
When we arrived, as a goof, I took out a dirty hacksaw to carry with me into the ER.
When we walked in and the nurses spotted the saw they just pointed us to where our victim was located. Suddenly, none of the nurses or doctors were available. The only
ones who would come in with us were a few ambulance people.
You had to see this place. They put our aided, "Donald Smith", a fifty year old male,
on a stretcher in the back corner of the room to hide him. Alongside Donald was a guy who was injured in an auto accident. He was lying on a stretcher with a cervical
collar around his neck and it was obvious that he was in a lot of pain.
I guess Donald sensed that he was in for a rough time from some of the remarks that
were made. We pulled back his sheet and couldn't believe what we saw. He had squeezed both his penis and scrotum through the two rings seven days before. His
balls were the size of softballs and the skin was stretched so tight that it looked like we were literally going to break his balls. His penis was huge and within the realm of
the knockwurst family. To add to this mess he was glistening. When asked what was smeared all over him he told us that he had used several pounds of butter to try to
slide the rings off. It was then that I whipped out the hacksaw and he almost shit.
Everyone started laughing at this when we noticed that injured guy in the cervical
collar was crying. He had actual tears flowing down the sides of his face. He was begging us to wheel him to some other part of the ER because his laughing was
causing him so much pain. Out of kindness for him we had him relocated.
This kind of ring job was a first for the both of us. We were really worried about
causing damage to this guy. The rings were so tight that they were getting lost in the skin. We decided to try the ring cutter and see if it would work. I started to cut and
after about ten minutes I had hardly made a dent in it. The steel was too hard and the blade couldn't hold up to it. The only other trick we had in our bag was the large bolt
cutters. We got them out of our truck and brought them in. When Donald saw the size of them he truly became worried.
Before we could use them we had to get a couple of pieces of cardboard between
the rings and his flesh to prevent us from snipping off more than we wanted. We were really worried about his nuts. They were so stretched that it looked like a pin prick
would blow them up like a balloon. It took a few minutes but we were finally able to get enough cardboard in place and then the procedure began. I had to climb up on
the gurney and straddle over Donald to get the leverage I needed and when he saw how big the bolt cutters were he began a slow thrashing of his head. I had to make
four cuts. Two on each side of each ring in order to get them off. I had a couple of the ambulance guys propping me up while I did the deed and it came off without a hitch.
We left Donald and went up to the nurse station for some info and were gone within a few minutes and went directly back to quarters. As soon as we arrived at quarters I
called the hospital back to see how Donald was doing and the nurse said he was out the door right after we left. She said that he would've died if he didn't get them off. He
learned his lesson and we learned that we would only use rubber if we wanted to try this out. And That's the truth!"
©Copyright 1999 Edward Coulter
Editor's Note: Sergeant Coulter and Police Officer Hayes recalled that "Donald" was apparently so embarrassed that he fled from the emergency room and refused medical treatment.
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